6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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