I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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