And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
