I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She's the barista slut.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
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