i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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