This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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