What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
