I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
