Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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