Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
