Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
