wat bout pragnant strippers??
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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