If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
