I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
