I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
