did you get engaged???
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
