I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
