Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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