All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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