Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
