can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
