So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
