If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
