OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
