you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
