the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
