I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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