When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
