I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
