As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
