stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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