BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
