What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
