Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
