Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
