that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
