Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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