god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
