I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
