last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
