I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
