Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We are two peas in an std pod
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
