No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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