You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
