i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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