I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
