i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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