Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
