so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
