You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
